Getting clarity when you don’t know your arse from your elbow

There’s a particular kind of fog that creeps in sometimes. You know the one I mean—where your head feels full but empty at the same time, and no matter how many lists you write or podcasts you listen to, you still can’t quite get a grip on what you’re doing or where you’re going.

It’s like you’re running on autopilot, ticking the boxes, but underneath it all you feel a bit… lost. Not dramatically lost—just that quiet, low-level “what am I even doing?” kind of lost.

I call this the “don’t know your arse from your elbow” phase. And if you’re in it right now, you’re not alone.

This is something I go through all the time - I sit down at my desk feeling all ‘productive’ and then completely loose momentum - nothing feels ‘worthwhile’ all of a sudden. I see this all the time, speaking to friends, contacts, clients. There’s this moment—or season—when everything that used to make sense suddenly doesn’t. The job that once felt secure now feels stifling. The relationship you’ve poured energy into doesn’t feel quite right anymore. Or maybe things look perfectly fine on the outside, but inside you’re craving something more meaningful, more you.

And it’s frustrating, isn’t it? Because you’re smart. Capable. You’ve held it all together for years. So why can’t you just figure this out? Arrrgghhhh!

Here’s what I worked out the hard way and know I can tell you: confusion isn’t failure. It’s growth.

When you feel like everything is up in the air, it usually means something deeper is shifting. You’re starting to see through old patterns, old roles, old expectations. You’re no longer willing to just “get on with it” if it doesn’t feel aligned. That’s not a breakdown—it’s a breakthrough in progress. It’s the contraction before the expansion, if that makes sense.

But, of course, that doesn’t make it feel any less overwhelming!

I want you to know that it’s okay if you don’t have a plan right now. It’s okay if you don’t have a clear goal or a perfect answer. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is slow down long enough to listen—to yourself, to your body, to what’s been quietly calling to you underneath all the noise.

Clarity doesn’t always arrive with trumpets and lightning bolts. Often, it shows up in whispers—in those small moments where something clicks, where you feel a spark of “yes, this.” It’s not about forcing a decision. It’s about getting still enough to notice what’s already trying to rise to the surface. You have to be a little bit, dare I say it, selfish. For me this was sitting back and reassessing, everything that makes me happy, what I really want from this one, precious, life.

And you don’t have to do that alone.

Sometimes, the most helpful thing is to talk it out with someone who gets it. Someone who won’t tell you what to do, but will help you hear yourself more clearly. That’s what I do as a coach—not to fix you (because you’re not broken), but to walk beside you while you remember who the hell you are!

So if you’re in the thick of it right now, wobbling your way through the fog, just know—clarity is coming. And if you’d like a safe, no-pressure space to explore things, I’m here. No pressure. Just two humans, having a real conversation.

Here’s to finding your way—even if you’re not entirely sure where your elbow is right now ;)

Becky x